


An Exploration of American Musical Theater

by arielf17



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: He's also a little shit, Jack Zimmermann is a Good Bro, M/M, but mostly he's a good bro, everybody but holsom and jack are imaginary and farmer is only mentioned, fellas is it gay to have musical theater dreams about your drift compatible beer pong teammate, it makes sense I promise, just guys being dudes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-22 09:35:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22947415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arielf17/pseuds/arielf17
Summary: Adam Birkholtz's subconscious spits musicals at him in lieu of intelligible speech.
Relationships: Adam "Holster" Birkholtz & Jack Zimmermann, Adam "Holster" Birkholtz & Justin "Ransom" Oluransi, Adam "Holster" Birkholtz/Justin "Ransom" Oluransi
Kudos: 35





	An Exploration of American Musical Theater

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this like three years ago and I guess it's still cute.

The first dream was in March. It started like all of Adam’s dreams. He floated weightlessly in pitch blackness. He just had to reach out with his feet until they found something steady to latch on to. 

He never felt such immediate and intense fear as when he felt steady planking beneath his feet, and looked around to see prop cornstalks behind him. He no longer had the energy to stand and sunk to the ground, only able to think one thing. 

_ This is the set for the 1998 version of  _ Oklahoma! _.  _

All of a sudden, he was swarmed. His friends were suddenly near him. Bitty was sitting to his right, and Jack to his left. Lardo was sitting next to Jack, and Shitty was kneeling behind Lardo with his hands on her shoulders. 

_ Typical,  _ thought Adam. 

He was looking around for Ransom when he felt someone smack him upside the head. He turned his head to see that Dex, Nursey, and Chowder were all standing behind him. Dex was clicking his tongue. 

“We are hurt, Holster,” said Dex. 

“Deeply,” said Chowder. 

“Please tell me you’re not doing laudanum in real life, bro,” said Nursey, “‘cause that would be mad destructive.” 

“Oh my God, you’re even annoying in someone else’s subconscious,” sighed Dex. 

“Yo, chill, Dex.” 

Adam looked down to see a bottle in his hand. It hadn’t been there before. As soon as Adam realized what was going on, the music had already started. 

_ Why the fuck am I Laurey?  _ he thought. 

“Out of your dreams, and into his arms, you long to fly,” sang Bitty. 

“You don’t need Egyptian smelling salts to tell you why,” sang Chowder. 

“Out of your dreams, and into the hush of falling shadows,” sang Jack. 

“When the mist is low,” sang Lardo. 

“And stars are breaking through,” sang Shitty. 

“Then out of your dreams, you’ll go,” sang Jack. 

The rest of them joined Jack and Adam began to wonder why the fuck he was having an  _ Oklahoma!  _ themed dream. 

“Into a dream come true.” 

Adam enjoyed the visual of his teammates prancing about and singing Rodgers and Hammerstein, or at least he would have if the lyrics hadn’t changed. 

“Holster please, Holster please, realize how you feel. We know you are, we know you are dreaming, but this is real.” 

Nursey snatched the bottle from Adam’s hands. 

“Old pharoah’s daughter won’t tell you,” the group continued, “what to do. Ask your heart, whatever it tells you will be true.” 

Josefina Gabrielle’s voice filtered through the dream as Adam’s friends exited the stage of his subconscious. 

“How come C’s the only one out of the three of us who got a solo line?” asked Nursey. 

“How come you care?” asked Dex. 

“I just wish this was my dream so I could tell Cait about it. She and Holster bonded over Rodgers and Hammerstein once at a kegster but that memory was shoved deep into his mind so it can only resurface in the recesses of his psyche.” 

“Oh sweetheart,” sighed Bitty, “I don’t think that’s really how this works.” 

Jack turned to Lardo and Shitty. 

“Maybe we’ll be back for another number, eh?” 

“Probs not,” said Shitty. 

“Yeah,” continued Lardo, “it’s almost morning.” 

Adam almost fell out of bed, he woke with such a start. And as weird as his dream was, there was one part of it that weirded him out more than the rest of it. 

Where the fuck was Justin?

#

The second dream was the night before May 1. Ransom and March had broken up the week before. Adam knew that Ransom was keeping himself bottled up. So when Adam floated through the inky abyss of his subconscious, he hoped that he would dream up something to make Ransom feel better. 

Instead, he was sitting on a stack of newspapers. Sitting next to him was Lardo. Adam immediately recognized the scene from an Old Globe YouTube video he’d seen of a production of  _ Guys and Dolls. _

“Please tell me I’m Sarah,” he groaned, words he never thought he’d utter. 

“C’mon bro,” laughed Lardo, “you’re such an Adelaide.” 

She nodded, a not-so-subtle way of saying he had to start the song. 

“What, are we crazy or something?” Adam asked. 

Lardo grinned. 

“At Wanamaker’s and Saks and Klein, a lesson I’ve been taught: you can’t get alterations on a dress you haven’t bought,” he sang. 

Lardo looked like she was about to laugh when she began to sing. 

“At any vegetable market from Borneo to Nome, you mustn’t squeeze a melon til you get the melon home.”

“You’ve simply gotta gamble.” 

“You get no guarantee.”

“Now doesn’t that kind of apply to you and I?” 

Lardo rolled her eyes.

“You and me.” 

“If it wasn’t the line I wouldn’t have said it, Lards.” 

“Next line, bro.” 

“Whatever.” 

Adam paused. Did he have a weird crush that he was dealing with through having weird 

musical theater dreams?

“Why not?” he asked. 

“Why not what?” asked Lardo. 

“Marry the man today,” sang Adam, “trouble though he may be. Much as he likes to play crazy and wild and free.”

Lardo turned on the newspaper stack so she was facing Adam. 

“Marry the man today, rather than sigh in sorrow, marry the man today and change his ways, tomorrow.” 

Lardo stood up. Holster followed her and tried to stop himself from having fun in the dream. He failed. He loved following Lardo’s lines in a canon fashion. 

“Marry the man today.”

“Marry the man today.”

“Maybe he’s leaving town.” 

“Maybe he’s leaving town.” 

“Don’t let him get away.” 

“Don’t let him get away.”

“Hurry and track him down.”

“Counterattack him and-”

“Marry the man today. Give him the girlish laughter. Give him your hand today-”

Lardo high fived Adam. 

“-and save the fist-”

Adam fist-bumped Lardo. 

“-for after.” 

_ Stop enjoying yourself, Adam,  _ thought Adam,  _ come on, think about how mad Ford will be when she finds out she wasn’t in any of your musical dreams.  _

“Slowly introduce him to the better things,” sang Adam, “respectable, conservative, and clean.” 

“Reader’s Digest,” offered Lardo. 

“Guy Lombardo,” continued Adam. 

“Rogers Peet.” 

“Golf!” 

“Galoshes!”

“Ovaltine.” 

“But marry the man today.” 

_ Stop enjoying yourself. _

“Handle it meek and gently.” 

_ Don’t enjoy this next solo line, Adam.  _

“Marry the man today and train him subsequently.” 

Adam reveled in the rest of the song, the canons, the harmonies, the relationship between Sarah Brown and Adelaide. He wanted to ask Lardo who he was in love with. But she was gone before he could ask, and he was floating in space until morning. 

#

The third dream was the first night in their new apartment. After floating around, Adam found himself on a boat. He had never once had a maritime dream. He noticed he was wearing a suit. 

A decrepit old woman in a wheelchair wheeled herself towards him. He remembered this bit in  _ Anything Goes. _ He knew that whoever he loved was hidden beneath the blankets and the wheelchair, but at that point, he didn’t care. 

“I need your advice,” said Adam. 

“Ask away.” 

“I’m having these dreams about someone I’m in love with. But I’m worried, because my best friend isn’t in them. And what if he’s not here because I don’t trust him as much as I used to? What happens when I figure it out, and what happens if I can’t tell him?”

“Well, here’s some food for thought,” said the one in the wheelchair, “does it matter? If you’re this worried about him, then I think you do still trust him, in your heart of hearts.” 

“Really?” asked Adam. 

“Yes. And being in love isn’t so bad.”

“That I won’t believe. Just like this shitty boat, being in love is a pile of garbage.” 

Adam knew what was coming next, but he wasn’t prepared for the reveal. Who did he love? And why were they singing to him?

“Why young man! The night is young, the skies are clear, so if you want to go walking dear...It’s delightful, it’s delicious, it’s de-lovely.” 

Adam sat down on the deck of the boat, facing away from the woman in the wheelchair. He wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready. Oh, God, he was nowhere close to ready.

“I understand the reason why you’re sentimental, ‘cause so am I. It’s delightful, it’s delicious, it’s de-lovely.” 

Adam chanced a glance to his right and saw Justin, in a tuxedo. He looked around for the broad in the wheelchair, but she was nowhere to be found. Adam hugged Justin. He knew that in real life, Justin was in his bedroom and they’d hung out yesterday, but in his dream, it felt like ages. 

“Bro, something weird is going on,” said Adam. 

Justin didn’t say anything. He just sang. 

“You can tell at a glance what a swell night this is for romance.” 

Justin moved onto his knees. and offered a hand to Adam. 

“You can hear dear Mother Nature murmuring low: let yourself go.” 

Adam took Justin’s hand. Justin pulled Adam to his feet and took his other hand. 

“So please be sweet, my chickadee, and when I kiss you just say to me…It’s delightful.” 

“It’s you, Justin.” 

“It’s delicious.” 

“Oh God, I’m such an idiot.” 

“It’s delectable, it’s delirious.” 

“I need to wake up.” 

“It’s dilemma, it’s delimit.” 

“I need to wake up.” 

“It’s deluxe, it’s de-lovely.”

“Dammit Justin, I need to wake up so I can tell you!” 

#

“Hey bro, you alright? I heard screaming.” 

Adam just sat there in bed breathing heavily. Justin had been dream-chirping him all along. He was in love with Justin. How did it take him this long to figure it out? Was his head always that heavy? 

“Did you have a nightmare again? You’ve been really restless the past few months.” 

“Nightmares? Rans, they’re not nightmares, they’re just weird. They’re...emotionally accurate.” 

“What do you meant, Holtzy?”

Adam sighed. He thought about how to explain his dreams to Justin. He couldn’t tell Justin all of it. But revelations aside, they were still Ransom and Holster. 

“So I’m into someone right now, but I think I only know that because of some weird dreams I’ve been having. And it’s not just the dreams, bro, because if it was, I could just come clean and me and that person could have a laugh about how crazy it was, but…” 

“It’s real,” said Justin, “yeah bro, I get what you’re saying. But if you did tell that person how you felt, would it be the worst thing in the world?” 

_ Yes,  _ thought Adam,  _ because I’ve got some ass luck, so I’d bet my  _ 30 Rock  _ full series DVDs that you’re not in love with me, you beautiful motherfucker. _

“Maybe not,” said Adam, “but what if it is?” 

Justin shrugged. 

“You won’t know if you don’t try, but it’s your life, man, whatever. Do you...want to tell me? Who it is, I mean.” 

“I will, but it’s still kind of fresh to me, y’know? I gotta process some stuff.” 

“Sure bro. Got your back.” 

#

Adam texted Jack. 

_ Jack, I need your help. _

Adam’s phone rung within seconds. 

“Are you dying?” asked Jack.

**“** What? No! The hell?”

“You never ask me for help. If anyone you’d ask Ransom. Or Bitty. Shitty if you were really desperate.”

“Well,” sighed Holster, “I’m really really desperate.”

“Wow. Well, whatever it is, I’ve got your back.” 

Adam then felt bad for bugging Jack. Maybe he should’ve called Bitty. 

“Look, it’s one of those things that seems big in your head but once you say it out loud it sounds kind of lame.” 

Jack laughed. 

“I know what you mean.” 

Adam took a deep breath. 

“Have you ever had a musical dream?” asked Adam. 

“Yeah, once.”

“Wait, really?” 

“Yeah, it was after mine and Shitty’s graduation. Johnson was the announcer from  _ Chicago _ , and-”

“I can’t believe I’m about to stop you from telling me this story, but I seriously need your help.” 

“Right. Your dreams?”

“Yeah. I was getting musically dream chirped, right?” 

“By who?” 

“Lardo, mostly.”

“That tracks.” 

“Anyway, they’re these songs about being in love, right? And it’s basically just her telling me I’m a big idiot, because I’m in love with someone and I didn’t even notice. And now I know and I don’t know what to do.”

“You don’t know what to do?” asked Jack. 

It was like the concept was foreign to Jack. 

“Yeah, well, not all of us can be Jack ‘I ran halfway across campus just to kiss Bitty because I’m fucking extra’ Zimmermann.” 

“It wasn’t halfway across campus. I just had to cut past Gregory onto Elm Street-you know what, it’s not important. I think you know exactly what you want to do, Holster. The part that’s tripping you up is actually doing it.” 

“OK, fine, but what if...the person doesn’t like me back, and I just fuck everything up?” 

“If it’s worth anything, I think he does like you back.” 

“How do you know it’s a he?” 

“Sorry, we were talking about Ransom, right?” 

“Fuck you, Jack Zimmermann.” 

“So that’s a yes? I could find out for you, but finding out if he likes you for sure kind of takes the fun out of it, eh?” 

“FUCK. YOU.” 

#

When the two of them got home from work the next day, Adam made a conscious decision to confess. He might as well. What's the worst that could happen?

_ Your sudden declaration causes your friendship to be awkward, leading you to resent each other and drift apart.  _

It probably wouldn’t happen. But it was the worst possible scenario. 

“Hey, Ransom?” 

“Yeah, bro?” 

“I’m ready to tell you. About those dreams I was having.” 

“As long as you’re ready, man.” 

Adam sighed and shook his head and shoulders. He knew he was ready, but his mouth wouldn’t work. His vocal cords froze up. His body was refusing to let him speak, which was some serious bullshit. 

“Adam, I know you were dreaming about me.” 

“What? The whole time?”

“No, just the most recent one. You talk in your sleep. I heard you shouting, so I came in to make sure you were OK, but I...overheard some of the content of your sleep talking.” 

“How bad was it?” 

“To be honest? Not bad. It wasn’t like the shit you were saying was weird or anything. You just said my name a bunch, and talked about how ‘you needed to wake up’ so that you could ‘tell me the truth’.” 

“Oh,” said Adam, “sorry I freaked you out.” 

“If we’re being honest, I think we knew this was coming for awhile,” said Justin. 

“Yeah,” sighed Adam, “look bro, I’m sorry if shit’s weird until I get myself sorted.” 

“Sorted? Wait, Adam, I like you back. Did I...not say that?” 

“No. You didn’t.” 

“Oh. Well, I do.” 

“Um...I don’t really know where to go from here. I was kind of working off of a worst case 

scenario here.” 

“And...what case scenario is this?” asked Justin.

“Best,” answered Adam, “definitely the best.”

  
  



End file.
